Showing posts with label 日記. Show all posts

15-06-2011  

We got into another fight again- big one. And I wonder what's gonna happen to us in the future. Why our future doesn't seem bright at all? God, we did and tried everything we could, yet nothing works out, why? What are you trying to do to us? Or is it your way telling us the fact that we aren't meant for each other? I thought you spoke to us through Pastor K. a few weeks ago, and that was why we kept holding on, but things just get worse and worse, is it worth to continue this journey? Or should we just quit this game and pretend as if nothing happened?

Why you gave us hope when you plan to take it all away later?

Sometimes I don't even know whether you exist or not. Like now, I don't know, really. I can't feel you anywhere and I don't hear anything from you at all. You promised you will never forsake us, but look at what's happening to our lives, where are you? Why you let all this happened to us?

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06- 07- 2009  

久しぶりね～ I haven't been here 4 way too long... not much things 2 write abt anyway... my life is not mundane, but stuffs aren't so special or worth- writing... Most of the time it's only abt me traveling and being torn btw guilts and temptations... And my procrastination ability and slacking skill are undefeatable, as ever...


I've juz come back frm Bangkok... it's my 3rd trip to Thailand this yr round, and it's only 6 mths to begin with... checked my passport...at least one stamp per month.. it seems that i've been traveling too much... no wonder my grades drop at an aeroplane's velocity...

.:.

Just heard abt an old friend of mine had just got married since...yesterday. They had there marrige cert. a year ago actually... Yup, last year, while she's still bloody 21 yrs old. Not as if I care...

.:.

I'm flying 2 S'pore again this Wednesday T.T another stressful month is about to begin, yay! T.T And i've known so well the remain months of this bloody year are not gonna be easy T.T

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01- 06- 2009  

God, my dad's getting paranoid. Up until now we can't forget about my uncle's tragic death. And then yesterday, another news came about one of my dad's childhood friend being passed away, perhaps have caused a huge damage to my dad's brain. He kept talking rubbish now and then, about how he'd want to be buried or something like i don't need to keep his picture because he doesn't think my children in the future would ever know who their grandad is. I mean, what the heck is that? I know my uncle and his friend passed away while they are still in their 50s, and my dad's at around the same age. But then what's the big deal? People are dying everywhere. It's just the older you get, the more people kicking the bucket you'll be able to see. Why my dad couldn't just stop making a big fuss out of it? God, i'm so tired of this... my uncle had passed away for two years and and my has been acting way for the whole time... what can i do now to earase that weird thinking of his ????


Fortunately i've been able 2 contact uncle Lang, another childhood friend of my dad. Hopefully he'd help to lighten my dad up. Praise the Lord for helping me to connect him ^^ it has been years since we've ever talked to each other... and i haven't meet him for 12 years... yeah i just praise that the asmostphere in my family would turn all sunny again...

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20- 05- 2009  


Hmm... Haven't been blogging 4 quite some time.. well basically coz i'm kinda busy wiz schoolworks (supposedly) and recently the game called plans vs. zombies has been driving me crazy. Yeah it's juz so addictive and there were times when i found myself being late for classes because of it =.=


Anyway... I found out abt the landlady trying to sell the house without telling me b4 hand, yet i still kept quite for the whole time. And yesterday i bumped into her while loitering inside the kitchen and we had some conversations over that. It turned out that she didn't feel like selling the house 4 now, as the ecconomy is no good. And then everything was solved, finally. Ya I'm at ease now. At least no need to think abt moving house for the time being. So, praise the lord ^^ Now what i need 2 do know is start worrying abt my study =.= man, my grades slipped like crazy... never fail but didn't scored well either. All the subjects are just barely at passable line =.= Now i wonder which school would accept me with these crappy marks T__T God, i pray that i'd b able 2 see changes soon~ is it too late to feel regret now??? haiz~

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07- 05- 09  

Woot~ I've finished binding another book... 3rd one this week ^^so far my skill can be considered somewhat improving... at least there's no paper wasted this time :)


God, my house ppl are acting weird recently.. not sure is it because i'm skeptical, or unreasonable imaginative, but there's definately something between us and the washing machine.. my laundry bag has gone desperated for the past few days and the stupid washing machine somehow became workaholic out of sudden, despite the financial crisis.. well, i've hardly seen it works, though the machine seems always stuffed.. Hopefully it's just a coincident~ handling with these kinds of things are never my cup of tea.. and i'm so tired of dealing with weird ppl already =.= way too many weird fellows show up at the same time =.=

I did some math revision for the GMAT thingy at Starbucks.. Cathay one... I started 2 love the place 2 terms ago, when i was struggling with exams and that place was awesome... big place, big tables, few ppl.. the drinks are a little bit pricey but can be considered normal for this kind of coffee house. It's Starbucks anyway... branded stuff =.= But of course higher price comes with good quality most of the time, i'm always productive while camping there... at least i remember what is Pythagorean Theorem now.. and know how to calculate area of a triangles (man, it was like 8 years ago since i got killed by geomatry and the rest of those bloody math stuffs).. never been fond of math after all.. luckily the math tested for GMAT are not that difficult.. it's the verbal part that's killing and i haven't gotten a glance at that at all T__T

Man...so this is what it looks like after enjoying the year of Sabbath~ 4 big fat exams are waiting for me and i'm stuck T.T Jap, Chinese, GMAT, school exams~~~ dunno how my sorry brain can stuff all the knowledge at once... God, just how i long for your wisdom to be poured upon me... and pls cast the pimples away from my face, too... i know i've become waaay too greedy recently but i really cannot stand these pimples T.T

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04- 05- 2009  

arg.. cannot stand myself =.= i woke up this morning juz to find a pair of slippers sitting happily on the end table. Yes, the one next to my bed.. the alarm clock was there too, landing upside down. wondering how on earth the slippers can end up there, obviously not by themselves.. Well, i guess it's not that unusual for someone like me, since i can normally find myself sleeping on a packet of instant noodles, or pieces of clothes, or worse, my textbooks.

This morning i had to shove away all the clutters on the desk so that i can locate my mouse. The keyboard was half- hidden, too. And it resulted in an bigger mess on the floor.

I guess it's why my mind seems to be of a big mess recently. Well, living condition is indeed having a great impact on human's emotions after all. Yup, the fact that i'm under some kind of an emo season recently is an undeniably good example for this.. Man.. i desperately want to clean my room but really dunno where to start =.=

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28- 04- 2009  

I know that I’m not alone, and never be. Knowing that I’m always filled with love and definitely not lacking of any material things. Then why there are times when there’s an emptiness that doesn’t stop creeping all over me? I wonder where it has gone, the normal joyful and sunny side off me. Or is it because of the weather that I’ve turned out totally gloomy? I’m not sure whether it’s because weather can effect a person’s emotion, or perhaps I’m turned somewhat sensitive out off sudden? But want thing I know for sure is that my mood swings badly during heaty days, heh.

And why am I so busy out of sudden? Recently there's a restless feeling that overwhelms me and I'm stuck =.= or am really I become that emo???

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24- 04- 2009  

Heh, didn't really write anything for so long, since i'm not patient enough waiting for the page to load =.= can't keep blaming the internet 4ever, though.


Didn't have school 2day so i decided to vistit an old friend who stayed in Lakeside. I felt more like a relative, acutally. Since We used 2 stay 2gether for relatively long and there was a time when i stayed at her house, too. Got to play with her kid again. Cute boy, seem that the future ahead of him will be bright and fruitful, or so, i pray :) Went to Boonlay after that to check out the new shopping mall. I haven't been there for like, a year? Everything changed.. the mall has grown so fast with tons of shops, and packed with people.. too overpopulated already. I got stuck everywhere i went :( My impulsive mode was set to default again, everytime i walk to the shopping mall. Got a levi's watch. Not a bad deal, at least I'm in need of a watch at the moment, since my baby-blue-turned-yellow casio watch was beyond wearable stage :(

Dunno why i'm so enthu in writing, recently. At least my 2nd story was good, I received numbers of reviews just a moment after publishing the story. Yeah, indeed the comments have lightened my mood significantly. Didn't know that i want attention that much, lol


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20- 04- 2009  

Haven't really blogged for quite long.. i'm a bit lazy recently, since my works have been overloaded again. Thank God for helping me to find the school. I know i'll have tons of work to do if i want to get in that school. So please continue to help me, God. Give me your strength, your wisdom so that I'll be able 2 achieve my goal ~ using my brain in the way that will benefit your kingdom. And thank u so much for protecting me, and help me survive in school...


.:.

Recently I'm having the urge of writing fiction, which is utterly ridiculous. I never think my right brain does function correctly at all, even though i'm left- handed. Still give it a shot, though. At least it's a good way to improve my english :)

Starting to write my first fan fiction for D. Gray-Man now, haha. Still struggling with the title, though. And indeed my writing sucks >"<

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07- 04- 09  

Arg.. i'll b gone again in 5 days time... why does time pass so fast T___T still haven't really enjoyed my life yet ...hopefully i can fly back again 4 Yn's wedding.. not bcoz i like them or wad... i juz wanna spend more time wiz my family, haha... didn't know the aikido thing would b that expensive.. $450.. man.. that makes next month's expense shoot all the way to $1500 =.= either i won't eat or let daddy slowly kills me T__T


Anyway.. the trip 2 Dalat was awesome xD we went to several places and took loads of pictures... more than 400 pics on a holiday 2 a place that we've been countless times. and i finally got the cactus!!! yes!!, the cactus ^^ it looks quite skinny, though.. not sure whether the cactus can grow fatter if i water it everyday or not...

.:.

God, please bless me.. it seems that my default mode is haughly and i love acting like some aloof ass lately. I'm so sick of it and i dunno why i'm so paranoid now... I just pray that i won't do anything stupid or cause any further trouble... and pls help me 2 fix my character, lord =.= i always act without thinking and now ppl seem to think i'm having some attitude problems..

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31- 03- 2009  

hmm.. what a pleasant morning 2day.. i went 4 breakfast wiz dad and had a nice chat wiz him abt how he maganges and makes strategic decisions 4 companies.. yeah my dad is not only a lawyer, but a strategist, yes, daddy is my Zhuge Liang ^^ and my mom is somewhat like... errm.. CaoCao?? ahahaha can not be lah xD but somewhat alike... 2 certain extent...


After that, we met up wiz some ppl juz 2 ask abt my study in Japan, and ya, things become much more better, at least we found out that the school fee isn't that expensive and it doesn't seem 2 be difficult 4 me to go there.. the only thing 2 be worried now is the paper world =.= man, i've nvr graduated frm highschool in vietnam.. i only hav one pathetic secondary school cert... and diploma, and adv dip, and a bachelor degree in the near future.. heard that the Jap. ppl r a bit systematic.. kinda step-by-step basis... dunno leh.. hopefully everything can go smoothly and i could go 2 the school that i like..

Anyway.. i've been back vietnam for like 4 days.. and literally stuck at home for 4 days.. playing titan quest =.= nad my mom can't stop singing =.= apparently she discovered some online karaoke site and has been whole-heartedly pouring her soul out with nearly 200 songs over the past 2 weeks... scary.. my mom is seriously scary =.=

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27- 03- 2009  

Only a few more hours.. and my chains will be gone once again, be temporarily free from exams and assignments for 2 wks =.= i still haven't finished my project though, but i'm confidence that i can defeat this monster on time, only that i'll have 2 sacrifice my precious, peaceful sleeping hours :( didn't hav a single decent sleep this week... due to exams and my lack of discipline =.= yeah i can play games for one day straight but sorry, not study...


Just spent hours tidying my room yesterday and now it has become some extraordinary messy mess again T___T why ah? i've been throwing away loads of things & tried to organize the stuffs that are lucky enough to coninue habitating in my room...

Okay break time is over... better get back to the project again b4 things become too late xD lol luckily i hav 2 laptops if not then i'll stuck at this gaming machine 4ever~~ yeah this laptop is such a great, big, fat distraction that solely exist in my room.. haiz~~~

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25- 03- 2009  

This morning while sitting at the bus stop, i listened the song "Jesus" by Robert Pierre and i felt like crying... yeah i was so depressed recently.. stressed wiz guilt & regret.. coz seriously i really has no idea in USM as all.. I didn't like the lecturer and nvr went 2 class.. so i ended up having an empty notebook.. well, not really empty coz i was drawing all the time during my rare hours sitting in class =.= the subject isn't easy at all, yup it's difficult & looooong... and wad i know is a few simple concepts inside that 500+ pages txtbk.. talked 2 Btp for hrs ytd and tried 2 dump as much things into my sorry brain as possible, but it seemed fruitless.. then i prayed & felt God's present...

God, I thank you again for helping me with my exams today. Even though i didn't manage to complete the paper on time, but I can say that i did really well, much more better than i expected. And who ever expects that BCG would come out o.0 ? I didn't study BCG, actually.. because it's the topic that I've already mastered 2 yrs ago :) I messed up the DPM part though.. but nvm.. i dun care already ^^ i know God was there wiz me in the exam hall and i know i'll pass this paper, that's enough already :)

I'm supposed 2 buy the external HDD 4 dad 2day.. and haven't eaten anything since morning too... arg~ why it has 2 rain at this time.. will i got stuck by thunder if i went out now? it seems like a thunderstorm now... not juz a normal shower... and I still hav 2 do my project also.. must submit by tmr and i juz finish like 10% of it.. Nooo~ not this weather, pls.. it's raining now, my favourite weather.. nice 2 sleep, goes well wiz hot food and superb while gaming!!! arg~~ how hard it can be, to defeat temptation T___T

And yay it's my 100th post~~ yeah~~ haven't really maintain any blog as good as this one ^^ okay, keep this up, Sunny ^^

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23- 03- 2009  

I dare say that i've been good for the past few days.. still lazy here and there and couldn't stop playing games sometimes but ya, i'm still good generally :) i got study, ok~ not much but i know i did put effort at the last moment.. few hours b4 exams, haha... i spend more time with God, too, in which i realize on how much an ass i was during the past few weeks =.= i do more useful things, be more careful wiz my mouth when i try to speak out, and got addicted wiz the bible study podcast :) yeah it's a big improvement, i listened to a number of sermons daily, the ones that i've downloaded and stuffed inside my ipod for so long without remember of their existences...

Yup my EC paper rocks xD i did surprisingly well and ya i didn't know i could write so much and hopefull so correct, too xD.. hmm can not be so wrong lor, i know wad i was writting abt, i hav enough experience and knowledge in the computer field to complete my paper, i know i didn't get lost :) and thanx God for the information i found on the internet this morning, it was relevant to my exam, too ^^ and could feel your present was there with me, in the exams hall... Thank you for answering my prayer, and for all the things that you did to me. Yeah i feel my world is back 2 normal again once i'm with u and thinking about u, Lord :) .

And yeah afer my exam i went to collect my airticket and the travel agent gave me tons of free stuffs ^^ hahaha it was so much fun, she juz walked to the bookshelf, pull out a big bag with these cute little toys and gave it too me ^^ yeah of course u can tell that i'm more than happy ^^ after that i went 4 lunch wiz Wlng.. haven't seen her 4 so long.. we had conversations over lunch and had dessert 2gether after that, too. What a pleasant day 2day ^^

...my mind was blooded wiz things to write but i'm so tired at the moment.. due 2 the lack of sleep... will continue soon after i recharge my battery =.=

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18- 03- 2009  

Yay I'm back 2 S'pore at last. The trip was fun and a bit tiring, since we were basically dying on the plane everyday, from S'pore to Bangkok then to Vientiane then back 2 Thailand and to S'pore again.. I glad that I was able to make new friends, and seems that everybody who was there knew me.. yeah i've become famous instantly, after getting drunk at the party. My 1st time getting so drunk and I had vomitted everything, every where, frm the party, to the toilet, then the car and messed the whole hotel up =.= i'd never felt so embarrassed like that b4, having ppl carried me all the way back and take care of me, and my contact lens.. it was so humiliated =.= i heard frm P.Lng that the photos of me taken frm that night were pure retarded =.= God... i juz wan to hide in some corner and die there... And there was something with my attitude also. It took a 180 degree swing where i totally ignored people, and tried to be really haughty. Arrgg.. i dun know wad's become of me anymore, and now i think i'm having a reputation of being some bitchy, freaking proud princess. Sometimes I can't really control my own behavior, somehow it comes impulsively and i end up doing loads of stupid things.. And my demonstration sucks.. well, i don't feel like blaming ppl, perhaprs it's me who didn't perform well enough and we didn't rehearse at all, as my instrutor has strong faith on putting on spirit and things will just anyhow flow =.=


I got chance to speak Japanese, too, during my days in Vientiane, just to find out my Japanese sucks. Especially speaking. My listening is okay, able 2 catch up, since i watch anime every day.. but the speaking part.. really.. after all the years of learning the language, i only managed to produce some pieces of lame conversations, which all the simple yet grammatically wrong. Haiz.. really disappointed with myself.. in the end i'm half- assed in everything, i speak lame Chinese, my Japanese is still lousy and my English remains sucks. My Vietnamese starts to become weird, too.. Arg~~ may b i better go learn sign language bah~

Anyway, exepct the prolems occured here and there, it still can be considered a quite good trip, I managed to go shopping on my own without getting lost, and everything else seemed to move smoothly. The food was good, too and the trainings were interesting enough. Bangkok is as busy as ever and Vientiane is quite and peaceful. The whether in Vientiane was suprisingly nice, and the people are really sincere. At least i did enjoy myself ya..

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12- 03- 2009  

Aiya,, how ah?? why recently so many bad things keep happening 2 me?? now i'm facing a great chance to reinstalling windows again...and now i'm on the edge of losing all my precious documents.. with tons of files scattering ard, another 20gb of music and all the software installed, seems that i hav to stay one whole night for this =.=


Then still hav friends problems.. Some ppl that hav almost lost in my memory now suddenly turned up.. yet some ppl who always there 4 me now start 2 disappear.. And my hand's injured again, badly that i thought it was broken or something.. and my internet's getting slower for no reason, too slow that i can't even check my emails, let alone complaining on my blog..

And my money problem's getting uglier again.. dad thought i still hav a few k in my saving that's y he was happily telling me 2 use that money 1st until he's back frm business trip.. yeah it's me who didn't dare 2 bring myself confessing 2 him that i've eaten all my money =.= now i dun hav a single cents in my bank accounts, all together..

Hopefully I'll b able 2 survive during my coming Thailand & Laos trip... Wondering what's waiting 4 me next... the only thing i know now is i'm definately having a loooooooong night 2nite...

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06- 03- 2009  

Arrg dunno why i'm so unlucky recently =.= the aikido training yesterday was really good, and i was successfully avoided that morron but was so excited and over-confident when i tried to slam on shihonage.. so the result is my hand got injured badly.. can say it was terribly twisted =.= now i can't move or lift my hand up at all... so at the moment i just pray hard that it's not broken and will be able 2 recover soon. If not things would turn disaster since i'm having my trip to Laos & Thailand next week and my exams r coming soon.. since it's my left hand that got injured and i'm left-handed, it's pretty bad when it comes to daily activities..  i just realise i can still type relatively fast with one hand, thougth. may b use computer too much already, haha 

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03- 03- 2009  

Arg~~ I'm doomed, man =.= i lost one of my earrings, somewhere in the dojo.. or worse it could be at the foodcourt.. so somebody has probably looted it.. well, that person should be lucky 2day, as my earrings are white gold.. and I'm the one with sappy luck T____T it was my fault, actually.. i was so careless anyhow toss the earrings like that.. argggg~ mom'll get angry 4 sure... But dunno why 2day so suay huh.. got 2 see that shit face while training again, only lucky enought that i managed to not practice with him at all.. but thing wasn't gotten any better juz because of that.. my performance 2day was lousy, too.. it's like self-making foul.. doing countless weird things, saying tons of weird stuffs also...


Arg~~ my earring... i kept looking at the stupid bag for hrs.. since i hav poor luck 2day, trying 2 search 4 it wasn't much avail. I guess miracles don't always happen.. haiz.. wad 2 do now is trying 2 get over it and move on T____T

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01- 03- 2009  

Now as the encounter weekend's coming 2 an end, i didn't feel regret 4 coming at all, which was complete different frm wad i'm been thinking in the past few days. The feeling of being set free, being loved and protected by the Lord had somehow brought me out of depression and the fear i've been facing recently... And my mind has no longer flooded with all the negative thoughts.. At least at the moment...

The camp isn't bad, but i still have difficulties talking 2 ppl. So I'm here again, the playground in the salvation army's back yard.. not so many ppl come 2 this place, so i can relax here undisturbed.. i found myself getting attached to this place.. it's so quiet and peaceful.. only natural sounds can be heard, trees around... i have the feeling as if i belong here, yeah i really like nature, especially trees..

Haha it's not like i have to stay here any longer. I'll be home soon, yay~ finally, i can jump on my cozy bed and start playing computer again,.. haiz,, life really becomes so difficult and irritating without my computer.. yeah i'm computer addicted, but i dun care. Haven't been able 2 use computer for only 3 days and my fingers start getting itchy already.. luckily my handphone is still here with me so i can at least check my emails and do a bit of blogging.. Haven't blogged 4 quite sometimes.. yeah i've been busy recently with so many stuffs cramming at the same time.. and have been dealing with depression again, i kept getting worried abt my exams results, how on earth can the school mess up with my documents or wad am i going 2 do next, how can i survive during this final yr... anyway, worring won't make the situation any brighter.. may be i juz better start doing work and pray bah..


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24- 02- 2008  

Why there are times when I'm so free and have no better thing to do beside wasting time doing nothing yet there are times when I feel myself being tied up with so much work until my brain wanna burst??? Like these recent week, while I'm already stressed my arse up with school stuffs, all sort of stupid problems start to show up.. and why of all time, thoose annoying ppl start to bug me non-stop??? My brain is gonna explored already... it's like adding oil to fire...


Knowing so well that I'll have a tight schedule this week, I try to set aside games and anime, trying to concentrate on my project. I was quite satisfied with myself at first, was so confident that i'll b able 2 finish the project on time and then BOOM~~~ hahaha it was just one small mistake, i was too careless to ready the error warning and click that stupid "Yes" button with ended up erasing all my essay, the stuff that i tried hard cracking my freakin' brain to come out with, is now gone... i tried performing file recovery but it doesn't seem to success. ..

Thank 2 Wlng who has prayed and encourage me on my study. Her words woke me up and I tried hard to discipline myself 2 b more concentrated... but i dunno wad to do already, i'm too headache, too tired of trying and the thought of trying to do the project all over again really freeze me to death.. Now I juz wanna jump on bed and shut everything down, i feel like quitting everything i'm doing/ supposed to do right now.. i really have no idea where the path i'm walking might lead me to.. i'm not even sure whether i can reach the destination or not~ whether i'll sucess, or die somewhere on the roadside T__T

God, I'm incapable of everything, what can i do now? will u be fed up after hearing all of my complain? 

----------------------------------------------

Yay~ while i was still busying complaining, anther problem came in.. haha i feel like going crazy now~~ Well, it's abt that problematic girl again, the one that i'm supposed to take care of. Err.. not really "supposed" to do, i did it voluntarily. It just because I felt sorry for her mom, who loves and cares so much yet the girl does nothing but live in her illogical fantasy. Somewhat like me, in the past. But at least my parents have the money to patch things up, and that at least my mind's okay enough so that it can support me to stand up again. With this girl, I don't know how to deal with her already, she's so much worse than me and i'm not sure whether i'm being used by them or not. I love to help people, but I used 2 be so gullible that in the end,everybody took me for granted.. Yeah may be i'm juz paranoid over the past.. and too desperated for a break..

I pray that things would turn around soon. Deep inside me I sense that all the problems that I've been going through are the trials that test me whether I'm worthy to be you child or not. I'll try to stand up and walk again so Jesus, please grant me the strength so that I can fight again. And please bless the girl, Lord. Bless her with your wisdom that she won't be blind by the devil, please clrear her eyes so that she'll be able to see the love from her devoted mother. Please use me to help them walk out of the situation. I believe that with you are here, things will turn out better and brighter. Amen & I'll wait for your answer, Lord.

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