It's 1st day of Chinese new year today and in my brain thing's a bit messy. I might need 2 take some time defragmenting the whole system in order 2 digest what happened =.= anyway, i'm still alive and God, I thank you for everything you've done to me. Thank you for being almighty and unexpected. I was amazed by you again.  And I luv my new necklace xD 先生、ありがとうな～　今日は楽しいかった（≧w ≦）ノ　でもいつまた会えるかも知れないね　(￣＾￣°)

Sometimes it's under my delusion that things work out as I've desired. Or perhaps I'm just too imaginative. Or may b the way i perceive and experience things differs from other people. Haha, I dunno wad I'm thinking and expecting rite now, or what do I exactly want, I'm uncleared abt that. But I don't feel cool at all, there's little peace in my mind and I know all I can do is to lay my hope in God. I guessed it's bcoz I'm not ready 2 face failure and disappointment yet.

Yay so i'm home now~~ it's time 2 enjoy life once again ^^ 

Yay juz a few more hrs & i'll be home ^^ i haven't finished packing and my room is still a messy though T__T the room nids 2 b mopped and i still hav one pile of clothes to deal wiz.. somemore there's a bunch of banana whose smell is easily detectable yet the location is unknown. and i feel like blogging more than wad i'm supposed 2 do now =.=

I'm doomed =.= well, not yet, actually, not until my dad found out how much $$ left in his account.. god~~ i've spent like $3- 4000 within 3 wks and couldn't remember what's made me spent such a huge amount like that =.= i know i'm impulsive, i'm anyhow, and know it's become like an uncurable disease T_T today i bought 2 cute t-shirts which coz like $200 and i couldn't figuring out with i can slurge that much at whim... arg~~ such a big fat spending machine I am.. if only daddy has a big fat money- printer at home.. T___T

I came 2 dojo and things started 2 go disaster. The stupid toilet was locked again, and it's always locked when i nid 2 change. So ok, i went 2 the handicap's toilet. while happily changing there were somebody who couldn't stop banging at the door even though i'd already told them that i'm inside. And juz nice when i took off my t-shirt, they found the way to unlock the door. So i had no choice but quickly putting my gi on and stormed out of the bloody toilet. I got a little bit tired and my brain didn't function well.. i was at the corridor wearing my hakama and another drama started to begin. i locked a girl inside the toilet, some more in front of her mom!! LOL~~ ok ok it was my fault. i juz tried 2 be nice 2 ppl, okay. they wanted 2 use the ladies' but it was closed so i recommended them 2 use the handicap one 1st, they didn't know whether it can be locked or not so i was trying to show them, and i didn't know that the girl had gone inside already =.= anyway, we had the toilet cleaner uncle came 2 open the door 4 her and her mother kept telling the uncle that it was me trying to lock the daughter, blah blah blah ... hell... u so smart dunno how 2 unlock the door then go blame me.. fine lor, not that i care...

So after that I went 2 the grading and yay i got my black belt, finally. Unlike aikido vietnam, i still hav 1 more lvl to go b4 reaching shodan grade. But wad the heck, attaining 2nd kyu is already good enough to kill me =.= k, back to the grading.. yea i did messed up. And i realized that i have some uke- problems.. my uke is too stiff and waaaay too big for me. I couldn't really able 2 pin him down without using forces, which made me feel like crying, and i knew sensei wasn't so impressed, too. So basically the techniques part totally had my energy drained up. Fortunately i performed really well during free exercise part, which saved me somehow. Even I felt surprised myself, and i swear I saw sensei filming me using his handphone XD later on he asked me to be uke and i did a few slams and then too bad, my battery went dead and i couldn't even stand properly. I'm still rewarded with black belt in the end but wasn't really sastisfied abt this =.= Ewrd was there, idly for heaven's sake!! and if only he could b my uke then thing would turn fanstastic already (￣＾￣) the class after that was not bad, actually. Or is it bcoz the weird ppl nvr shown up plus the fact that i was able 2 practice with all the seniors. It was fun, though some ppl didn't seem 2 be playful. Yes u nid 2 b serious 2 learn but loosing up once in awhile wasn't bad either. I mean, u don't 100% go there and play lah, i allow myself 2 use 5% of the time playing ard and it really lightens up the asmostphere. Even sensei laughed when i tried 2 play wiz ppl, too. And it was fun, man :)

.:. I juz set 4 alarm clocks for tmr.. arg~~ for the whole week i'd been waking up so early, including weekend T__T 9: 40 church means that I hav 2 wake up @ 7:30 =.= tmr sure till 5pm then can reach home one. Not that I blame the church, but it's my inability to sleep early and i'm talentless in waking up on time. aikido on sat church on sun...my lovely weekends are gone once again...

Wow another weird week has come to an end =.= yesterday was a day with all the guys stuffs =.= after school, the guy who i used to hav a crush with suddenly shown up and talked 2 me, and he thought i ignored him!!! he asked y i nvr answer his phone, which i though is weird and he said he didn't nid the dvd anymore... chey~~ went 2 watch 'yes man' wiz Btip after that. it's kinda fun, some light- headed comedy abt a guy who has 2 say 'yes' 2 everything. then i went back home after that and receive a few calls frm a few guys, including Kstn who was worried abt my aikido grading and abt me being stalked by the cheekopeh hahaha~ and then in the evening my VIP man shown up we talked 4 few hrs ^^ hahaha i thought he's gone 4ever. My dad spoke 2 me again, also. I kept complaining 2 him abt my life while he's nice enough 2 respond. but we had 2 end the conversation since he had 2 discuss something wiz mom (or may b he's juz simply sick of my complains already =.=)

Since i slept too early yesterday, i ended up here without anything 2 do beside having my eyes on the computer screens again. Having aikido grading 2day @ 4pm.. God, it's so sudden i'm not sure whether i can do it or not T.T hopefully i won't go there doing anything funny. oh i hate Bukit Batok east cc man =.= the aikido ppl there seems a bit @_@ it's bcoz of my grading's sake that i hav to drag my sorry ass all the way there.. arggg

Yeah, I feel like typing a lot today... may b it's bcoz there's so many strange things happened 2 me recently.. Anyway, it's a pretty special day today. Haha, no lah, it's juz somebody-i-know's birthday. I'm not sure whethere he realizes it or not, but he's become someone that's really important 2 me. I still dunno how's he to me, though. Sometimes we seems to be very close, then sometimes it's juz sound so distant and he could juz disappear for weeks, or deliberately logging invisibly on yahoo. Well, I dun blame him, though, since normally he seems don't really hav much time and I juz carry on talking nonsense. He told me he'll fly back during chinese new yr and I can't imagine wad will happen if we meet. Well, I dun expect anything, coz if whatever happened, we will still b very far apart, each caring about their own business. Having any feeling wouldn't benefits any of us anyway. I now it's from God that i got to know him, and he's a son of God, too, even though he's Catholic while I'm a Christian. Well, he might be all about Virgin Mary, while I'm madly in love with Jesus, but it's the same God who we r worshiping and it's still the same Mary and Jesus in the bible, so no big deal. Ha, I dunno what has gotten into me know, may be just curious about the relationship between us.

So Father, I honour you and will follow what you lead me to, and whoever I shall be together with. I know you will give me a suitable man, that's y i won't rush, i'll patiently wait for my mr. right to come. I juz pray that I'll to realize and seize the opportuniy when it comes. And whoever guy that destinited to be wiz me will be a good guy who is faithful, who care and love me just like how my daddy does.

Argg~ I'm so exhausted 'coz of so many drama and weird things today, including the stupid stalker guy =.= Hopefully i can wake up 4 class tmr =.=

Well today is such a weird day, full of weird things.. The wind is also oddly strong that everything on my desk just flew off, even my gundam guys =.= and then i just on a whim spent the whole afternoon tidying my whole room, plus washing the watch trap, slippers and kept my door open (which was odd, coz i always close my door, even when there's only me at home). For dinner I had noodles while drinking ice milo, the drink that i ain't really into.. some more I was successfully withdraw money frm the ATM card, the same one that earlier on has threatened to suspend my account since i failed 2 type the correct password . After collecting the cash, I went 2 the aikido class as usual, and inwardly thanking god that the annoying guy nvr shown up today, yet still felt danm sian... then while we were practicing, some guys juz popped up frm nowhere and kept taking pictures =.= but i was quite suprised that the class turned out to be quite nice. Or is it bcoz of the camera men that we hav got 2 learned various of fun techniques and lots of slamming? sensei did kokyuhou wiz me, too, which i was really happy abt. And then after training suddently sensei came and asked me to go 4 the grading on saturday!!!! I mean, i nvr expected anything like that leh!!!! he's nvr mentioned 2 me b4, then tell me last minute like this, I'm really worried , for not well- prepared at all. Wad if I messed everything up during the grading???

Anyway, after that we went for drink like normal, then since Kstn couldn't drive me home, i had 2 went back by bus. So while waiting 4 the bus with my ipod on, and someone was poking me frm behind. It's was an old man asking me the time. Okay, fine, I told him it's 10:30, then returned to my ipod again. Then he poked me again, asking loads of nonsense stuffs in chinese, which i was able to catch up mostly, and tried 2 b nice answering all of his stupid questions while praying hard that my bus would come faster. Unfortunately it took like 4ever 2 come and I was tormented by that cheekopeh. And finally the stupid bus also come, I sighed in relief and quickly hopped. But wow, that pervert did follow me, I got freaked out and climbed to the upper deck, find one seat at the very back and on my ipod trying 2 relax. A few seconds later, I sensed someone was sitting next to me and to my astonishment, it's that freaking old man again. I was danm scared dunno wad to do coz he kept poking me asking me to show my hand to him. So I dialed Btip's number and thank God she picked up and was nice enough talking 2 me even though she sure knew i sounded wierd and definately acting weird. Although i was busy chatting wiz her, the cheekopeh just couldn't stop poking me, for heaven's sake. I've soon reached my limit and shoved his hand away, but that persistent yet dirty old man still remain poking me, and touched my hand. I stood up and pretended to coming down stair, thank god he was stupid enough to go down stair 1st, so i continued remain seated and saw the guy having no choice but aligning at the next bus stop. Yay~~ if he didn't fall for that i really dunno wad i could do 2 get rid of him... my cpu was running at full speed thinking of which aikido technique to use if he really follow me home. Next time if he still dared 2 try something funny i'll surely ask sensei 2 kick his sorry ass, assume that i'm lucky enough 2 be at of sensei or whoever willing 2 rescuse me.. I felt bad 4 Btip, though. She was excited talking abt the drama happening in her family, while i didn't really pay attention, simple coz i was really tired and tried hard finding way 2 get rid of that stalker. I think she knew i wasn't listening either.. nvm, tmr go & apologize bah =.=

Wow~~ so today isn't as ordinary as i thought at all (ﾉ-_-)ﾉ but I really thank God that he's answered my prayer. I knew he did coz i was complaining abt my aikido grading problem few days ago.. now i juz hope that the photographs taken during the class was nice enough.. i'm doubt so, though. coz today i walked into the dojo wiz a complety gloomy face and was totally quite that everybody thought i'm going through depression or something, haha. Oh and I juz found out another weird thing, my mom juz updated her blog after so long, and this time it doesn't seem so miserable as wad she normally put on her blog at all. Even the title's also colourful. Well, the entry was indeed titled 「COLORFUL」 anyway XD

Haven't written anything 4 so long. May b it's bcoz my life has not much thing to talk abt... let's see.. wad happened till now... i had no school last week so basically it was just all abt lazing ard the house playing games, watch dramas, music.. then aikido, then slammed and over- slammed, then sugar high (yea, it's freakin' high. I got all hyper for whole night and everybody thought i was taking drug =.=), then went 4 movies, then church, then cell, then go back to school again （・＿・）hmmm.. didn't sound that boring, heh... And anyway, as far as my resolutions r concerned, I think i'm still following, not dropping but in a snail- speed progress. So far i've been able 2 memorize 2 verses as required by Wling and did a little bit of study. Even though it seems juz a tiny bit, but for someone as slack as me, it's a huge different compare to last year, as in the amount of time I've spent for studying on average. Last yr I spent approximately 10 mins daily on studying... and this year so far it's like 12 mins everyday!!! wow it's like my output increases by 20%, LOL.. still waaaay too far from a normal decent student, though =.=

Haiz...recently I've been overwhelmed by these stuffs.. money- involved stuffs... I had to come up with $2100 within 2 days, and my perfect solutions were withdrawing frm every sources that I could, including daddy's cards (o￣へ￣)o I hate myself for deciding things barely on a whim. It's like the word "thinking twice" never existed. I spent huge amounts of money which I've never earned for something that I'm unsure whether it'll bring any benefit in return or not. And wad I can do next is praying hard that my dad won't be upset wiz me. My mom will freak out, for sure, but I dun care, haha

Going 4 training again 2nite. Actually I only prefer tuesday class.. and deep inside I only like Rchrd Sensei.. it's that he's able 2 bring the art to life, with his sense of humour and his care for students, and how he realizes my potential and treates me the way that makes me feel that I'm still tangible and important. I think that fact that he's also a christian makes me like him more.. not that I dun like Frdy sensei or something, but well.. he's a big man, too big to notice someone small like me, let alone knowing who the hell am I or whatever skill or what kyu I am now.. yea I'm the one to be blamed, for being conceited, perhaps. This is life, though. You can't just like everybody and expect every single one on this globe to like you back. Still, I'm glad I hav them as my instructors who teach me not only Aikido but many things in life. And I thank God for giving me opportunites to know my instructors, whoever and whatsoever things I've encountered and come acrossed to. Because I know that you aren't letting me meet people or putting me in different situations for nothing. Thank you for loving me, Lord.

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."

My drawing seems to improve a little bit, lol ^^ at least finally I can produce something that looks quite cute. The hair got messed up because of the stupid gel pen. Better try 0.3 next time =.=

This is my 2nd most favourite Bleach character, Ichimaru Gin. Unfortunately he turned rotten in the later chapters. Hopefully Kubo Tite sama would realize how hot Ichimaru is among fan girls and make some twists along the story.. I dun wan him 2 ended up being kicked ass by Ichigo lor =.=

I tried to draw the teenage version of him, too. But not so successful, apparently =.=

You never cease to amaze me, You work in wonderful mystery
You cover me with your mercy, You never stop amazing me
You were Exalted in majesty, You Came down in humility
Broke chains and made me free, You never cease to amaze me

All praise to him who saves
Who conquered death and Scorned the grave
The priceless treasure freely spent
Has purchased grace that knows no end
To him we sing now, All in awe

You never cease to amaze me, You work in wonderful mystery
You cover me with your mercy, You never stop amazing me
You were Exalted in majesty, You Came down in humility
Broke chains and made me free, You never cease to amaze me

My dear Redeemer’s throne
Is over all, He reigns alone
His ways are high, His thoughts are vast,
Our God, Our help in ages past
To him we sing now, All in awe

You never cease to amaze me, You work in wonderful mystery
You cover me with your mercy, You never stop amazing me
You were Exalted in majesty, You Came down in humility
Broke chains and made me free, You never cease to amaze me

All praise to him who saves
Who conquered death and Scorned the grave

You never cease to amaze me, You work in wonderful mystery
You cover me with your mercy, You never stop amazing me
You were Exalted in majesty, You Came down in humility
Broke chains and made me free, You never cease to amaze me
You never cease to amaze me
You never cease to amaze me

God, you really never cease to amaze me... Thank you for lifting me up during these crappy days. Even though it's insignificant, even though it's irrelevant, even though it's unimportant, but I really feel happy, I really can't refrain from smilling, to myself. It's like you just somehow drop the bombshell upon us and closen our relationship. I mean, the news about the agent makes me feel like laughing my ass of, and the time i've spent talking to my house owners, even thouh it's not long, and my chinese is still as lousy as usual, but we did hav good conversations and found out that my landlord is a christian, too ^^ Haha, now I feel like some weight on my shoulder has been lifted up ^^ thank you for the tiny little miracles, thank you for caring for me just the way I love, and thank for loving me so. Jesus, u r the best ー(^-^)ノ~~☆

~Happy Birthday Mommy!!!! I love u ^^

------------------------------------------------

Arg... i feel bad =.= Father, I'm sorry that i've let you down, i've been too complacent thinking that i'm such smart ass can always success in everything i do without spending a single effort. Please forgive me for disappointing you, I'll try harder next time, and won't give up just because of a mere failure. Well, I was sort of knowing for sure that's I was gonna fail, though a part of me still hoping that miracle might happen. I was really calm when I read the slip, almost laugh at it. The only think i feel bad about is i've thrown 100 bucks for nothing... my instinct as a financial student makes me feel frustrated for investing in something that bears no fruit. Haiz.. i can get the Twilight saga book set with that $100 notes T__T

Only the money part was bad, I don't really know what i'll do if I really pass, then only thing I know is, I'll become more conceited, more arrogant than I'm used to be. May be it's the good thing, in order to prune my characteristics and turn me to a better person, a humble one, not a hypocrite one who only pretends to be humble.

I've been doing lots of bad things, recently. I know it's bad, but i can't simply stop it. Hatred's controlled over my mind before i can stop it. For sure being Christlike is the most hardest thing to do, especially when I'm around so many annoying people. Some more that woman is back again. I don't know whether I would loose control and start to hurt my dad again. God, I pray that my dad will be conscious enough to act things that will benefit our one and only family. I need your protection upon my family, God.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your Salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.
Then I will teach transgressors You ways; and sinners shall be converted to You.

I love watching Bleach and really fond of Hitsugaya Toushirou ^^ so since there is nothing else for me to do, I tried to come up with this yesterday.... still haha it's look better than I expected though ^^ may be bcoz of smaller size. The bigger version was uploaded on devianart. The second version is available, too.

Trying to draw the cupid version but no avail. May be it's still too difficult 2 a novice like me (￣へ￣) and just nice my photoshop expired right at the moment i need it most T.T

I really made an effort to get up early today. Well, for a nocturnal creature like me, 7am is notably early, coz i usually sleep at 3 or 4am but everything was wasted since i was happily play sims 2 while having breakfast till 8 30 -,- somemore it took me quite long to look 4 the stupid key which was on the shoes cabinet for dunno how many monkey years =.=

haiz... at least i did focus and wrote notes through out the lesson. This lecturer isn't that bad, actually. I'm a bit annoyed by his english and his sometime unneccesary questions at 1st... may be get used 2 it now, and I enjoy the class. Unlike USM, the topic already sucks plus the additional suck-ness of the lecturer. It's already disaster even on the 1st day. And he had completely ignored me, hahaha... eventhough i sit at the 3rd or 4th row, and busy drawing some arts out of boredom.

Perhaps he's not that bad, coz those weirdos sitting in front r really enthu answer his questions. And for ppl who put enough effort in listening, responding and laughing attendtive live they whose faces and names shall be remembered by the lecturer (ﾉ-_-)ﾉ worse of the worse, he's teaching 2 subjects and one of them r project based... 4000 words with presentation (?!) i guess nightmare's coming soon, really soon, right after i happily enjoy the Chinese new year with my family T_T

That's what it takes to be a student, up and down in the sea of exams and projects m(_ _)m

Happy New Year 2009!!!
------------------------------------------

Yay it's 2009 now and I'm getting old =.= my new year resolutions are:

1. Becoming a better prayer (being able 2 pray out loud 2 ppl at least (￣＾￣°) )
2. Try to memorize more verses and praise the Lord daily ＼(●⌒∇⌒●)／
3. Putting more effort and be more serious in my study. Welll, it's my 3rd year now, i.e, final year!!! gotta die if i won't do well this time round =.=
4. Doing something new, something more active

Wouldn't dare to make so many resolutions though, as they are normally unattainable =.=